Tattoos: A Career Killer?

I think it's safe to say that most of us zookeepers/trainers are head over heels in love with the animals in our lives.

Why is Snape so attractive?  Can someone please explain this?

There is definitely a dichotomy in this concept, though.  There is a passion/deep respect for the animals as a species.  For example, many of us have our "favorite" animal(s)*.  Most of us grew up thinking, "ONE DAY I WILL WORK WITH DOLPHINS/AMUR TIGERS/VENOMOUS SNAKES/BULLET ANTS."  We pored over every book, TV show and news article about our Favorite Animal, knowing that the course of our lives had been set clearly before us and leading straight to the Bullet Ants (or whatever).

Once we realized there is no clear, straight path to anything worthy in life, much less a job in a competitive field like animal training/caretaking, we worked our butts off with the motivating drive that we would one day convene with our Favorite Animal and Share Our Passion with the rest of the world.  So we worked really hard, got a little lucky and boom, suddenly there we are surrounded by our beloved Bullet Ants.

This guy's hands were surrounded by bullet hands (see the hand mitts in the foreground? The ones with ants sewn into them?) and he may disagree that anyone would want to be near them.

Um. Hang on a second.  This analogy was going so well, but it actually doesn't sound so great anymore. I'm not sure many people would choose to surround themselves with these ants, so let's switch over to something slightly more charming that does not contain formic acid as a weapon: dolphins.

Also, this guy attempted the same ritual as the dude in the above photo.  Let's just say he is probably not going to get a bullet ant tattoo.  

That is when the next level of our love for the animals develops.  Because being nuts for our Favorites is not really enough.  They are no longer an intangible concept; you are now the zookeeper behind the scenes getting to know the animals and who they are individually.  When I did my first internship, I thought I loved dolphins.  But then I actually got to be around them every day and see who they were. That brought me to the next level.  When I landed my first job and could actually build a meaningful relationship with them, BOOM.  Locked. In.

Knowing the animals as individuals (or, if you work with "populations" like with worms, insects, fish, etc.) brings you to another level, uniting your initial passion for the Species and the experiential knowledge of WHO these guys really are, at least in your view.  That's a fantastically strong combination.

Where is all this going?  Well, this leads me to a topic that's been brought up to me from a few different people, completely independently from one another:

Tattoos.

YES.

"Whoa wait, what?" you say.  "What do tattoos have to do with my obsession with cow-nosed rays?"

Maybe nothing.  Maybe everything.  The fact is, many of us animal trainers and caretakers have tattoos of our Favorite Animals (species or individuals, or both).   Tattoos are undeniably growing in popularity, at least in the U.S.  People choose this ancient art to express all kinds of things important to them, such as: religious beliefs, loved ones (human or non-human), milestones or tribulations, and/or their general IQ.**

Or perhaps, how much $$ you are willing to spend.

I'm not for one moment suggesting that if you don't get tattoos of the animals with whom you work, then you don't adore them as much as someone who does get ink of them.  But I'm saying that many of us choose to express these passions in the form of body modification.

Seriously, scroll through Facebook.  There are some baller tats out there.  I have a half sleeve of dolphins, and a dolphin my shoulder blade.  I'm rather fond of it (the artist Jesse Britten did a great job: here is his gallery for anyone in the Saint Augustine, FL area).  I've seen zookeepers and trainers with tiny little tattoos of their favorite animals' flippers, faces, outlines.  I've seen animal care professionals with full sleeves, chest pieces, and entire back pieces covered in gorgeous tribute to their life's passion and work.  Amazing.

But I know what you're all thinking when you read this.  Most of you work at a place where you are supposed to cover these tattoos up.  I'm all about supporting the facility I work at, but I'm right there with you heavy-sighers as we think about how, well....confusing this policy is.  A lot of us wonder, "Is it worth getting inked?  What if I can't get a job because of it, because the facility I work at doesn't allow it?"

Well....okay this guy is passionate about donuts.  Obviously.

It's a good question.  Here's how I've dealt with that.

First, let me be honest.  If I were in charge of a facility's policy, I wouldn't have a problem with people having visible tattoos.  Clearly offensive tattoos would be the exception, d'uh. Yeah yeah, I realize even saying "clearly offensive" is subjective, but come on.  There are things that you just can't argue are going to make people upset.  Any tats of hateful symbols, nether-region body parts, or lyrics from Spinal Tap's song Big Bottom are not work safe, no way no how.   Even a gorgeous tattoo of a naked woman, not intended to offend anyone, is not going to fly at a family park and you are being ridiculous if you argue otherwise.  Is it offensive to adults?  No.  But does it belong in a family park? Uh, NO.

No lie, I just spent about 30 minutes looking at Spinal Tap gifs.  

However, I'm not in charge of policy-making on a park-wide scale, nor have I ever been.  So I have basically no say in how much we are supposed to cover our tattoos.  The good news is, especially if you are in the marine mammal industry, most of the places that do not allow visible tattoos require you to wear uniform pieces that cover a lot of your skin, or at least have uniform pieces you can choose to wear to do so.  When I worked for a company that was very strict about this, I just figured, "Well, I have to wear a rash guard all the time.  That's not a bad thing for my skin.  In fact, it's cheaper and more effective than slathering on sunscreen twenty times a day!"

Also applies to marine mammal trainers.

So I've just kind of dealt with it.  I was gainfully employed at a company that did not allow visible tattoos when I decided to start my sleeve.  I knew full well that meant I couldn't wear just a bathing suit at work.  If you are deciding to get inked, it's a good idea to consider doing in a place that is easy to cover up.

I've also worked at places that are kind of lax in their tattoo policy.  They don't encourage it necessarily, but there is a sort of, "Ehh...just kind of make an effort to cover it up."  For example, if I wear a polo shirt, you can see my sleeve peeking out but that's it.  This is the kind of in-between policy I've heard implemented at other places, because some people have tattoos on their feet, behind their ear, on their inner wrist, etc.  Most managers hire people based on their intrinsic skill set, work ethic and personality.  It's also illegal to discriminate hiring employees based on looks in the U.S. (unless you are "casting" for a role and that is made crystal clear in the application process).  A boss/company worth working for is not going to turn down a super star prospective employee because she has a cheetah tattoo on her inner wrist.  They may say, "Hey, just like, wear your watch on that hand."   They may just let it slide.

And for those of you who work for zoos and aquariums who are like, "YEAH! Let that artistic, tasteful self-expression SHOW!", you can't tell this because you're at a computer, but I'm actually giving you and your company a standing ovation.  There might be tears in my eyes.

Me! Me!

I'm going into all of this because recently, I was told that there was a nasty rumor flying around that if you get a tattoo, you'll "never" get a) hired in this job, and/or b) you'll never progress up the ladder.

So, I have two tattoos, one takes up half of my arm, and I am a supervisor (the second-in-charge) at my facility in my department.  Sometimes, my tattoo's been visible.  Sometimes, it's not.  One thing it does not do is in any way affect my job performance as a trainer or manager.  It's not some demonic entity that controls my life choices.  It doesn't mean I lead or have lead a Life of Crime.  It means I am a giant dolphin geek WHO LOVES DOLPHINS.  A dolphin trainer, at a dolphin facility, with a dolphin sleeve.  C'mon.  Even dolphin trainers would roll their eyes at my dolphin huggerness (but dang it, I'm proud of that).  And it's really only a matter of time before I figure out my next piece with seals, sea lions, penguins and otters, because I adore those guys too and like to express myself that way.

Cranberry doesn't seem to be affected in any way because of my sleeve.  Even though there are no penguins involved (but one day....)

For all of you fellow tattoo-lovers, don't let a fear of employment rejection stand in your way of self-expression.  But be smart about it.  YOU can't control policy yet, well at least most of you can't.  So you are at the mercy of your company, but that's life.  You have your entire life to get inked, so if your dream tat isn't possible with the way your zoo or aquarium works, just be patient.  If you can get it done in a way that it can be covered up and in line with policy, go for it.  It's not going to stop you from being successful.

And if you are one of the people who are spreading these silly stories about how your Career In Zookeeping Is Over when you get tattoos, stop.  Just stop.  You're being silly, and you've got better things to do.  If you're someone who does kinda sorta discriminate (in the nicest way possible) against zookeepers and trainers with visible tattoos, remember this: You're surrounded by passionate, intelligent, hard-working people.  That's the best!! That's what matters.  Their difference in opinion about getting ink permanently injected into their skin has nothing to do with how awesome they are at taking care of animals, connecting with the public (many of whom, by the way, have tattoos too), and making the workplace a fun and safe place to be.  Maybe there is a middle ground we can all be happy with; or better yet, perhaps the trend towards acceptance of tasteful body art will eventually render this Middle Flipper entry moot!


____________
* Because seriously, how can you just have ONE?

** In these cases, typically very low.

When Zookeepers Have A Kid (Part 1)

Recently at my place of employment, we had a delightful happening!

A baby dolphin was born.

LOOK AT HER!

It doesn't get any better than watching an animal you love go through a pregnancy and then deliver (in whatever method that particular animal does) a healthy kid.  Even if he/she has to grow in an egg for a while, or chillax in a pouch.  As soon as the newborn nugget emerges in its finished ready-for-external-life all animal caretakers everywhere celebrate.

But what I think is the most fun? Watching the little guy or gal grow.  Not just physically, but cognitively.  How does this brand new being interact with the environment?  With their conspecifics? So for the past two months, I've been able to basically do what I've NEVER been able to do before and that's basically just sit and watch a dolphin calf grow.

It's been a really, really rare treat for me at a supervisor level to have the opportunity to do observations for massive chunks of the day for so many weeks.  It's not just because I got to sit in a comfortable chair; it's because I got to observe some incredible milestones that I'd only read about in books.  I'm not just talking about the "big" milestones in mammalian neonatal development (like successful nursing or whatever), but the more minute ones.  Like when she started to veer off from the adults and started playing with her own bubbles at just a few weeks old.  Or the first time she started to actually play with the other dolphins.  And that story is another blog in and of itself (so stay tuned)!

My obs shifts also allowed me to take a zillion photos

But the reason I was confined to a comfy chair taking in the glorious wonder of young'uns blossoming was because I was gestating my own progeny.  At later stages of pregnancy, I could do all of the following activities:

1) Sit down
2) Complain
3) Eat
4) Word puzzles and endless episodes of Mad Men

You just keep watching me, Draper...and I'll keep watching you <3

Other activities such as: sleeping, walking, and working as a supervisor of animal training were a little more challenging.  Luckily, the timing of the birth of the baby dolphin allowed me to feel relatively useful.

Being preggo at the same time as another animal is pretty cool.  I definitely watched the entire experience differently knowing that I would be experiencing something similar just a month or so after mama dolphin did.  But because I am Cat, nothing about my pregnancy or raising a kid has been like, normal.

Exactly.

First of all, let's talk about being pregnant and being a nerd.  It is really, really weird.  I'm not saying that to poop* on people's dreams of growing a little person in their body.  I know it's a very beautiful and spiritual thing on different levels for people.  But for me, in addition to the fun anticipation, I looked at it like this bizarre science experiment; an added bonus for being excited that a little version of myself would roam the planet (and I'm really sorry to the rest of humanity for that).  

Actually I'm not.

Before I knew I was knocked up, I made these epic vacation plans for a 10 day trip to Monterey, CA. My plan was to basically whale-watch every day, all day, until my money ran out and my camera punched me in the face and jumped off the stern of the boat in protest for abusive use.   I was so excited.  I wanted to see Northern right whale dolphins.  I wanted to see sea otters in the wild for the first time in my life.  I wanted to eat all the delicious seafood, and go to cool yoga classes and then wonder how on earth I'd one day be able to move out to coastal Cali (my dream place!).   I found an awesome deal on Travelocity and booked the trip.

Then, I found out I was pregnant.  Cool, that'd be a nice way to just unwind and really embrace the change on the horizon.  I was going to be in Monterey for most of the trip by myself, so I took it to be a sign from the Universe** that this would be a deeply meditative trip.  I'd be amidst wildlife I adore, with a little creature carefully grown in me that I knew I'd love fiercely, and I could just take it all in surrounded by the majesty that is the Pacific ocean.

Oh little long-beaked common dolphin, did you know how much I needed to barf everywhere when I took this photo?

So I got there, started my whale-watching journey and thought, "Oh man, this is GREAT!"  The next day, I woke up for another day of fun and BOOM.  Morning sickness from Hades.  Like, some devilish creature actually crawled up from an underworld and into my digestive system and rendered me bed-ridden for the vast majority of my trip.  My spiritual journey amounted to watching Chopped episodes for 10 hours a day and wondering how anyone can eat ANYTHING ever again, much less the stuff they have to use on that show.

Don't look at me like that, Ted Allen.  I've seen every episode and LOVED IT.

But I took it all in stride and made the best of what I could.  That trip set the stage for the rest of my experience.

I used the fact that I could wield an ultrasound machine to my advantage every so often.  That was pretty cool, seeing this little thing wiggle around inside of me and I was the one actually doing it.  If ever I needed a quick glimpse, I could hop into our lab after work and fire up the machine, make sure babycat still had the important things (like ribs) and then go home.  But what I was really excited about was the Legit Ultrasound that happens between 18-20 weeks gestation.  That's when you get an expert with a super duper ultrasound machine who tells you if your kid is healthy, what gender it is and/or if it has any super powers.***

But you know what I mean.  You know how on Facebook when people make their cute/quippy pregnancy announcements with the subsequent Standard Profile Mug Shot Ultrasound photo?  The one where you're like, "Awww, look at that little sonic representation of a human fetus!!" (what, that's not what you think)?  Well, I didn't get that.  I got the ultrasound, which was really cool because we found out we were having a girl, she was human, and got to see cross-sections of all of her organs (to be used as embarrassing story fodder in the formative middle school years).  And then they started freezing images to send to my nurse practitioner midwife and to give to me as a keepsake.

Standard adorable ultrasound profile shot.  That's what every pregnant chick gets to look forward to after coming out of the haze of Vomville, right?

"Yes!" I thought.  "I'm going to be able to send my parents the Standard Profile Mugshot Ultrasound Photo!"

No.

This.  This is what I get.

Can't see it? Wait, lemme rotate it.

The head is in the center.  The gaping hole is the mouth (near the label) and there is one eye present (on the right), a vacant triangle where the nose would be, and zero eye on the left side.  SHE IS A GOBLIN.

I found out I was gestating a little one-eyed demon.  Or zombie.  Maybe a banshee.  I couldn't tell, but it was definitely from another world.  And was a girl.  So a little ghost girl, growing inside of me and making me feel like I'm going to yiff everywhere all day.

Here's another one, same thing: right eye all Living Deadish, zero left eye.  I like the ribs on the right, it's a nice ghoulish touch.  

Immediately, I began thinking what anyone else in this situation would've thought: Is there a way to get this kid into the scary movie business?  I mean, think about it.  Paranormal Activity could easily use this image to inspire 8 or 10 more movies.    I also found there are several advantages to having a Paranormal Kid:

1) They are cool
2) They don't eat much
3) They are free on airplanes (probably...I can't find a "Banshee in Arms" ticket option so I'm just making an assumption)

I won't bore you with any further details of my Tim Burton-inspired offspring, only to say that she's been born a real, non-ghosty person (with both eyes).  AND that I feel even closer to the dolphins at work.  When their appetite decreases and they act a little sluggish for the first few months of pregnancy to the final stages where you can see their calf kicking around, resulting in an oddly-positioned, squinty-eyed dolphin....I feel like I can really commiserate with them.  And that's pretty cool.  In fact, all of us zookeepers empathize with the animals under our care, even if we haven't had the same experience.  But for those of us who have reproduced, I hope all of us look at our zoo/aquarium ladies with a little camaraderie.

Good news: my kid has both eyes and is of this world.  

And now you'll have to excuse me.  My newborn infant, who can't even hold her head up on her own, has farted something unholy into her 57th diaper of the day and it has registered as seismic activity in Los Angeles.  This is one part of parenthood the dolphins really got away easy with. ;)

Side note: I have 100 photos of this baby dolphin on my iPhone.  I also have 100 photos of my daughter on my iPhone. I don't care what species the baby is, I'm going to take some insane photos. Guilty as charged.

____________
* Ha ha, zookeeper and new mom making poop references.....it's all I seeeeeee

** Or whoever is in charge...God? Murphy? Carl Sagan? I hope it's the latter.

*** Mine does, but I'm choosing not to share.

Funny Things Guests Say: Baby Orca Edition

Quick quiz: Which of the following animals is an orca?

Is it choice A? (Photo credit to the amazing Tasli Shaw)

Choice B?

How about choice C?

Don't forget about choice D!

If you answered "c", you're not only correct, you're apparently in a very small minority of human beings with the ability to correctly identify this animal.

There is something happening in the world I cannot explain.  Like, I'm legit terrified of what it means.  We in the Western world are so obsessed with apocalyptic storylines and zombie movies, we wonder all the time "could it ever..."?  We answer Facebook poles that predict (I'm sure very accurately) how long we will survive in a zombie scenario.  But guys, I think SOMETHING LIKE THAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW.

Braaiiinnnnzzzz (side note: If you don't play Plants Vs Zombies, you really haven't lived)

There must be a virus that infects people's brains and makes them think that everything they see is a killer whale.  I. Don't. Get. It.

First, let's give credit where credit is due.  One of the reasons why zoos and aquariums are awesome is because they expose people to animals they've never seen in their lives, or haven't seen up close.  They also inspire people to care about them, especially the people who are not inherent animal lovers like you and I.  Someone who has no problem running over a raccoon because "they vermin" can do a total 180 when they go to a zoo and see raccoons in action in their adorable, intelligent ways.  

I'm all ears.

So I get it, people know what killer whales are, and may have a vague understanding of what they look like (you know, black and white and shaped like a fish).  So when they go to a facility with Commerson's dolphins, it's understandable they'd think they're looking at baby killer whales.  That's kind of a twofer, too.  Commerson's dolphins are not a species that's recognizable by anyone other than the Cetacean Nerds* in the vast majority of cases.  Plus, they live in really cold water in remote regions of the world.**  

But like, WHY do people think Asian small-clawed otters are baby orcas?  I have wracked my brain to come up with a logical answer that will quell my fears that there is actually a brain virus infecting mankind that will eventually turn us all into the living dead or worse, politicians.

Otters DO share some things in common with orcas, such as: two eyes, a mouth with a tongue and some teeth, and bones.  Also, they swim.

However, if we did a Venn Diagram of orcas and ASCOs, I think we'd see something that looks like two circles that appear to share a small space, but you'd need a scanning electron microscope to be sure they overlap at all.

Is this a donut?  It has similar qualities such as: it is donut-shaped and also, it is an inanimate object.

Or is THIS a hemorrhoid pillow?  Same qualities shared as one as above.  And now I'm confused.

Black and white animals within 50 feet of a water source (including but not limited to: a water dish) are also eligible for misidentification by guests.  Our African penguins where I work are sometimes referred to as "baby killer whales", which really upsets them because you know, birds are very emotional animals with giant egos and they are very proud to be NON mammal warm-blooded creatures thank you very much.   

But like, what about sea lions?  Sea lions.  Orcas EAT those.  You've seen it on TV.  You've seen it on Facebook, or commercials or movies.  So why, after a sea lion show where we've used the phrase "sea lion" 67,395 times do guests ask me, "So is those baby orcas?"

Can we get this guy to work in guest services at every zoo everywhere?

My colleagues and I were puzzled by a recent onslaught of Trip Advisor reviews on our facility in which not one but TWO comments went on and on about how much they loved the orca/killer whale show.  

I mean, YES! We love good Trip Advisor reviews!

But wait where did they see the orcas?  This mystery poisons my mind; WHICH animals did they perceive as orcas?  One of the comments specifically said they enjoyed the "dolphin/killer whale show."  So they went to our dolphin show.  The one with the bottlenose dolphins.  The gray ones.  Did they see something else in there?  Should we be concerned?

I thought maybe they were reviewing the wrong park, but they went on to describe other facets of our facility that are unique to us.  And so the enigma endures.

Here's something I just thought about as I write this (this is very therapeutic for me to pen this blog, actually): most people seem to refer to them as BABY orcas.  This isn't just the case at my place, I've heard many of you out there at other facilities experience this same issue.  Perhaps it's wishful thinking, or maybe a slight misunderstanding of mammalian development that leads people to identify animals as "baby" orcas.  

"I'd LOVE to see an orca today.  Hey, what's that thing swimming in that habitat?  Um, um, um, probably not an adult orca SO IT MUST BE A BABY!"

We are all susceptible to such thinking.

Okay, let's go with this logic because I think I'm on to something.  Perhaps there are several stages of development of a baby killer whale that lead up to its final form and that's what we've been missing.  All this time we figured they follow the typical, boring pattern of placental mammals.  You know the drill, chick gets knocked up, blastulas and embryos and fetuses and some uncomfortable hours of muscle contractions and then out pops a smaller version of the adult.

But no.  Orcas may follow a pattern similar to a fish or an insect, with larval stages and everything.  Here's my hypothesis:

Step One: Mom orca gets pregnant

Step Two: Mom orca gives birth to an Asian small-clawed orca

Step Three: Asian small-clawed otter turns into an African penguin (where it is now black and white)

Step Four: African penguin turns into a sea lion (you know, for flipper development and to go back into a mammal)

Step Five: Sea lion turns into Commerson's dolphin

Step Six: Commerson's dolphin grows into a beautiful big killer whale

I'm feeling pretty good about my hypothesis, obviously.

Yeah, baby orcas probably have at least six developmental stages outside of the uterus.  Evolutionary biologists, I challenge you to find a flaw in THAT iron-clad scientific hypothesis!

The only other logical explanation is that the Matrix is real and the people who are identifying other animals as "orca" are expressing a glitch in the Matrix.  And we should be really aware of this because I mean, that's some heavy #*%@.

I...I.... don't know

I've heard of other serious misidentification problems with zoo animals:

* "Hey look at these wolverines!" (North American river otters)

* "Wow, that's a big manatee" (Loggerhead sea turtle)

* "Those baby seals are so cute!" (Asian small-clawed otters)

* "Awww those are such cute seahorses!" (Mysid shrimp)

* "Is that a baby lion fish?" (Sailfin tang)

* "Is that a baby flamingo?" (Ibis)

* "What happened to that walrus's tusks? Did you remove them?" (Manatee)

* "Those are baby tuna and baby mahi!" (Redfish and permit, respectively)

I'm sure many of you have oodles and oodles of hilarious examples (and please share them).  

But until we figure out why people are seeing baby orcas everywhere, I will not have a good night's sleep.  All we can do is band together and attempt to identify a pattern, because that pattern will lead to a CURE.  

A baby orca in the hand is worth two in real life.

__________

* Of which I've been a card-carrying member since 1994

** In fact, of the 40+ species of dolphins on the planet, I'm willing to bet most people can identify about two 

Father's Day Is For Us Animal Lovers, Too!

Happy happy Father's Day!

Best dad ever!

For my loyal readers, the format for this blog is going to be pretty similar to that of my Mother's Day post.  And for those of you who are just joining us, WELCOME!

So my Mother's Day blog focused mostly on our zoologically-inclined maternal traits and nodded to the fact that most of us in this field are actually female.  Even if you're a dude, you probably share a lot of mommy qualities.  Unsurprisingly, because our field is chock full of amazing and loving people, not a single guy voiced a dissenting opinion on this concept.  To the contrary, some of the manliest men I know in the field embraced their inner Zoo Mom.  Woohoo!

Playing heavily into gender stereotypes, we have to admit that we are also Zoo Dads*, too.  Our job involves a lot of Daddly stuff.  And just as we all share qualities of moms, we share just as many as dads.

Without further ado, let's go through the list of how fatherly we all truly are!

1) We Can Make or Fix Anything Out of PVC, Zip Ties, and Duct Tape

MacGyver was not a "secret agent".  He was actually a zookeeper.

This is especially true for us smaller zoos and aquariums.  I mean, who reading this DOESN'T know how your basic PVC glue works?  And let's face it, zip ties are way better than drilling in most cases. In fact, I'm a little upset that we as a field haven't figured out a contest of Best Thing Built Out of PVC and Zip Ties.  Like, we could probably figure out how to make a beer tap.  Talk about being a Zoo Dad!  I know of at least three places around my place of employment where we could install such a thing.   But seriously, AZA and IMATA, don't you think a great team-builder would be a contest of best THING built out of these objects?? I bet we'd see some incredible things.

Anyways, our abilities to fix things are very real and are absolutely not limited to the male gender.  Us animal caregivers often work on limited budgets, both monetary and time.  That doesn't mean we don't know how to properly construct something, fix a leaking roof, or repair a door hinge.  But often times we simply don't have the money for the resources we need to build something that looks state of the art.  We've built squeeze cages, panels, temporary habitats for smaller animals, injection poles, and enrichment items out of just the above-listed materials.  We are innovative, us Zoo Dads!

2) We Get Really Frustrated Over Projects We Ruin

Don't be upset, Chris!! There, there, come to Cat.

Oh man, if zookeepers and trainers lose their temper, it's over one of three things:

1) Anyone posing danger to the animals in their care
2) Inflammatory statements by misled armchair activists
3) PROJECTS WE RUIN

We never lose our temper at the animals (well, no real animal caretaker at least does), but holy crap just don't even talk to me if I've set PVC wrong and my connections break because I didn't use a LEVEL SURFACE.  Or if I break something, or envision a plan that just totally blows up in my face. The rage that surges out of every pore of my being is tangible and explosive and could probably divert the trajectory of small aircraft up to 15,000 feet.  Like a dad freaking out over a wasted Sunday afternoon building that Awesome Picnic Table He Saw The Template For At Home Depot, us Zoo Dads place a lot of our heart and hope into the projects we do.

The Old Man Parker knew how to swear at his failed home projects!

Let's not even mention how we react when our projects are ruined by things outside of our control, such as Murphy's Law Weather Events.  I think the reason animal caretakers are so chill in their personal lives is because they cathartically release gobs of tension and stress over broken or warped MDF boards.

3) We Can Use Power Tools...And We Drool Over Getting New Equipment

Oh. Ohhhhh.

Break out the tool belt! It looks GOOD on us Zoo Dads!  We know how to use a variety of power tools depending on what our job entails, and we always feel cool doing it.  The extent to which we use these tools depends on our jobs.  Marine mammal trainers don't typically need anything more than a PVC cutter (and usually that's not a power tool), a drill and a compressor (okay I know that's not really a power tool, but let's just count it).  But if you're lucky enough to build elements of your own habitats, you probably rock a jig saw and use Real Lumber.  I suppose Dads fall into these continuum too.  My dad was good with the basic tools, including the power drill and stud finder.  But he wasn't out building tree houses or the massive bird aviary I always wanted as a kid (gee, thanks DAD).  But my father-in-law can fix cars, airplanes, boats, build houses, and basically use every power tool available to mankind.

But one thing we Zoo Dads can ALL agree on is that we covet new equipment.  Our drill bits are old. Or stuck forever in one of our drills.  Our saws-all can cut a loaf of bread in ten minutes and that's if the bread is really old.  We marine mammal trainers dream of the day when we can get the latest and greatest model of underwater scrubber, you know, if we just happen upon $20,000.  Like a dad pouring over the shiny new toys at the local hardware store, we do the same thing.  Admit it.  The last time you went to Lowes you spent more time staring at wet saws because you have the Best Habitat Improvement Idea and it just involves a touch of stonework.

4) We Underestimate Time It Takes To Do Things 

Just need to buff this out.  It'll only take me like 20 minutes.

"I'll be there in five minutes!" you say as you finish cleaning a habitat, or zip tying a torn barrier net.  You think it'll take Just Five Minutes, but you've really got about 20 minutes of solid work ahead of you.  Still, just like any optimistic dad who wants to Help With Everything, you cheerfully lie to yourself and imagine you have some super human power to either pause time or move your limbs and digits in a way that is medically impossible.  

Like so many well-meaning dads I know, this also applies to an uncanny ability for us keepers, trainers, and vets to get side-tracked with projects that pop up last minute (this may or may not be related to what we experience in item #2 as listed above).  You may have only five minutes of work left until you suddenly realize that fence over there looks like it has a loose plank, which will only take you a few seconds to fix, except you can't find the right drill bit because for some reason, there are seven different types of screws holding the fence together and you can't figure out why you never remember to charge the drill battery.  It's a good thing we are all victims of this tendency, because when I hear someone say, "It'll just take me a second!" I know to give that person 10 to 50 times longer than they think it will take.  And my coworkers do the same for me!

5) We Make Our Kids' Toys (and Brag About It)

We're all Geppetto at heart.

This may be a tradition falling out of favor this day in age, but there was a time when dads made toys for their kids.  My husband's paternal grandpa used to make these baller wooden toys.  Not simple things either; this guy really knew how to woodwork.  With the advent of Amazon.com where you can basically find anything you want (and if not, just hop over to Etsy), I don't know how many dads make cool stuff for their kids.  

Wait, I take that back.  One of my coworker's husbands built a balance beam for his kid.  He wins!

Anyways, luckily us Zoo Dads keep the Toy Building Tradition alive by making many (or all) of our animal kids' toys.  Our drive to provide interesting enrichment goes far beyond just ordering boomer balls.  We've made EEDs for animals living in every different kind of habitat imaginable.  

We don't stop there, either.  Like any proud father, we brag incessantly about our projects to other people in the field. This does exactly the same thing it does when a bunch of dads get together to one-up each other on how great of a treehouse they built their kid.  It definitely can provoke a twinge of jealousy (like how I felt when this amazing facility in the Keys built this sort of board with buttons on it, each button when pushed by a dolphin got them a different enrichment so they could basically choose their own toys!!), but for the most part it just inspires you.  And luckily, Zoo Dads are more than willing to share their project outlines and tips.  

6) We Take A Lot of Naps.  Like, A LOT

If only we could have scheduled naps!

Not at work (although good lord, wouldn't that be awesome?  Siesta time?  How about when your animals sleep, you sleep? No wait, that's not very fair for us dolphin trainers....let me work out the kinks on this).  

But when we get home, we power DOWN.  We sprawl out on the couch or pass out on the floor and become dead to the world.  Our bodies and brains are exhausted and of any good Dad Nap Stereotype, I think we're happy to embrace this one.

7) We Love To Play With Our Animal Kids

:D

D'uhhhhh.  When we're done with all the hard work, we are happy to play with the animals.  That obviously looks different depending on the species and type of work you're doing.  How I play with a dolphin is not necessarily the same way I play with an otter, or how someone who works protected contact plays around with a grizzly bear.  

There are some animals that maybe you don't really play with.  For example, anyone working exclusively with venomous snakes probably doesn't bounce anyone on their knee.  So we could just say, where and when appropriate, play is part of the day.  And if not, it's for a very, very good reason.  And chances are, you're doing some kind of enrichment for them, even if it's not you directly interacting with that animal. 

But any good dad knows how to the appropriate way and time to play with his kids (and what that entails).

8) We Stay Calm and Collected in Stressful Situations

Side note: This is the best show on the planet.

The Dad stereotype here involves a stoic, strong, and focused outlook no matter what's going on.  And while we all know that in reality, moms and dads do this regularly, this entire blog post sits cozily atop stereotypes so just roll with it!

There are massively stressful events in the animal caregiving world.  If you work with a lot of geriatric animals, are in rehab, or are in the vet profession, you probably experience these kinds of events more often.  I think the worst event is when an animal is ill, is dying or has died.  Ugh, it makes you feel rotten inside and indescribably sad.  Or when something totally crazy happens, like severe weather damage or if an animal gets out of their habitat. But when that kind of event occurs, you can't let the emotions swirling around you take over and render you useless.  You have to find a way to stay calm and focused so that you make sure everyone is safe, and that the other animals in your care continue to get the same love and attention.  


9) We Protect the Family

YEAH!

Traditionally, dads are the "head" of the family**, the "protector".  And dag nabbit, us Zoo Dads are very protective of our animal family.  How do we act when a guest "accidentally" finds themselves near or in a habitat?  Oh, our Dad Voices come out.  How about when someone throws something into a habitat?  We don't sugar-coat anything, we DadVoice them.  Dad Voice brings immediately and deserved shame and embarrassment, and maybe it'll even Build Character (the sole goal of any father, right?).   We may be the nicest people or have the biggest issue with confrontation with our coworkers or friends and family, but when someone messes around with the safety or happiness of our animals we are ready to go to battle!


Us animal caregivers wear many hats: Mom and Dad hats, to be exact.  We really do look at and treat the animals in our care like members of our family, even if it is only temporarily.  For example, people working in a rehabilitation facility see patients come and go.  While you may think they don't "let" themselves get attached to the animals in their care, they do.  They have great coping mechanisms (remember the Zoo Dad tendency to keep calm under stress?), but they love the animals they care for, no matter how hopeless the case or how quick of a turnaround that animal has back to a healthy life in the wild.  

Being parental figures to our animals is something we should be very proud of, because it makes our jobs a little bit more difficult.  How?  Well, it forces us to experience amazing gains and some really big losses.  Those of us in a training setting, or who are very by-the-book anti-anthropomorphism, you are still a Zoo Parent.  Parents look out for the best interest of their kids without letting their ego get in the way, and they do the best that they can every single day.  Zoo Parents do the same; what you feel is the best possible care for the animals you work with is what you give them without fail.  

Now go enjoy your Father's Day, all ye Zoo Dads!  And make sure you celebrate by taking a nice, long nap.
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* You veterinarians, vet techs and assistants, rehabbers, and anyone who raises or cares for animals at home are of course included in this!

** But of course, we know that it's chicks that really rule the roost