Another Embarrassing Work Story

Okay, last week got heavy.  But thanks to all of you who responded! I got a lot of great, supportive feedback :)

This week though, I think I owe you guys not JUST a light-hearted entry, but one where I make myself look like a complete and utter moron.

 

Cat "The Moron" Rust has a nice ring to it.

Now before I get into the gory details, this is a disclaimer that um, I'm kind of immature in a joking way with people who share the same type of humor.  Most of you who know me personally are probably saying some version of the phrase, "....and what else is new?", but some of you who either a) don't know me or b) think highly of me (I realize this is likely a scant few) may be shocked or possibly even offended by this story.  That's your warning, and I hope you still want to be my friend.

Think this is tasteless? Read on.

Ahhhh.  Here goes.

So I put in my notice at National Aquarium towards the end of September.  It was sad, because I really enjoyed working there and it also signaled the end of my marine mammal career.  Lots to process, to say the least.  But everyone was super supportive of my new path.

My final weeks were filled with tying up loose ends, playing with lots of dolphins, and causing trouble with my coworkers.  One of these coworkers is a fantastically sarcastic, hilarious person (who is herein referred to as Snarky McSnarkerson).  Let me just give you a quick breakdown of this wonderful human being and the relationship I have with her.

On my first day on the job as lead trainer, I was sitting in the marine mammal office in the usual This Is My First Day On The Job Oh My God I Have Forgotten Everyone's Name Already And Also Where Are The Bathrooms whirlwind, when this tornado of a human being blasts through the door and says:

"THIS MOTHERF***** JUST THREW CHICKEN INTO THE HABITAT."

A small voice from an unseen place replies, "Um, Snarky McSnarkerson?  This is Cat, our new lead."

Oopsy poopsy

Ms. McSnarkerson looks at me, color drained from her face and says something like, "Oh.  Oh my god.  I'm so sorry.  BUT THIS KID JUST THREW CHICKEN INTO THE POOL."

I was already LOLing at this point, reassuring Snarky that it was seriously fine (no guests could hear her) as we all assembled to gate the dolphins out of the main habitat to retrieve the chicken.  And so, the stage was set for my rapport with this sassy trainer.

Aside from sarcasm and talking in a variety of obnoxious accents, we shared another slightly more edgy activity that involved using the iPhone's message drawing feature to send uh, cartoonish representations of male genitalia to each other.  Sometimes they wore hats.  They almost always had faces, although once we made one into a palm tree. I'm pretty sure she made one into a Christmas tree at some point.  But I digress.

YEAH

These phallic images were sent liberally to one another, almost to the point where it was expected that we would exchange at least one image on a weekly basis.  And so, this trend continued for the duration of my employment.

Precisely eight days before my last day, I was in the office taking care of some random stuff.  Snarky was on her lunch break, probably eating some version of pizza and/or pretzels (she is also like 9 pounds, which just isn't fair), watching The Bachelor on her phone.  You know, like you do.   I decided that this was a perfect opportunity to send her a well drawn cartoon of a giant, fluorescent wiener.  Like, huge.  With a really cute little smiley face.   I scribbled away, admired my work, and sent it into cyberspace where it was delivered to Snarky's phone.

I waited.  The reception in the office was wonky at times, so I didn't expect an immediate response.  But then seconds turned into a minute.  Then two.  Then three. 

Waiting waiting waiting

Confused, I asked Ms. McSnarkerson if she'd gotten my text.  She looked up from her phone and said, "I don't think so."  She scrolled through her messages.  "No."

"What?" I said.  I looked down at my phone.  The message had sent.  And then.... "OH. OH GOD"

At this point, a few of the other trainers (equally awesome as Snarky, might I add) started paying attention to my blossoming panic attack.  Because I hadn't sent the giant dick pic to Snarky.

I had sent it to my boss.

Actual footage from the event

There it was, in all its colorful, smiling glory.  A cartoon penis, just sitting in my boss's text message window, without any explanation whatsoever.  Just a friendly cartoon phallys from your quitter-employee, Cat.

I looked at my phone for what seemed like hours.  I think I might have yelled incoherently until I was better able to express what was happening in actual language.  My panic is reaching critical mass as I spew out every possibility that results in my boss NOT seeing the message:

"DO YOU THINK SHE SEES IT BECAUSE IT DOESN'T SAY SHE READ IT YET"

"DO YOU THINK MAYBE SHE EVEN HAS THIS FEATURE ON HER IPHONE BECAUSE MAYBE SHE CAN'T SEE IT BECAUSE MAYBE SHE DOESN'T HAVE THIS FEATURE ON HER PHONE"

"DO YOU THINK MAYBE THIS IS JUST A NIGHTMARE AND ALL OF YOU IN THIS OFFICE ARE JUST FIGMENTS OF MY IMAGINATION"

And then a little line of text popped up under the grinning appendage.  "[Your boss] kept Digital Touch Message from you."

I actually fell to the floor and curled up in the fetal position as my coworkers laughed at my insanely mortifying mistake.  I was doing something that hovered between sobbing, laughing, and pooping.  I waited.  And then I sent my boss a text to try to begin damage control.

And here is how the conversation went:

Luckily, she was super awesome about it.  And later I found out she thought the photo was some kind of message regarding the penis present behavior I was working on with another amazing trainer.  It just goes to show that in zookeeping, no body part is considered lewd (and you know what? It should be like that...right?). 

Sigh.  Please tell me some of you have similar stories.....

Hi! I'm Back!

Hiiiiiiii

Oh god, it's been so long.  So first: I AM SO SORRY.

I'm on my knees! Or sitting in a swivel chair.  

Second, there's a reason I took a hiatus....and then continued to write and rewrite the next blog....and then procrastinated.

So first let me thank two dear friends who have been actively involved in marine mammal training for helping me get this latest blog out to the universe.  It was seriously like a gigantic poop that needed to come out, but just wouldn't no matter how many trips to the ol' W.C. it took. (Look, you are all zookeepers so I feel like you can handle this analogy.)

God that feels good

For those of you who don't know, I left the field to pursue the equally amazing field of forensic science.  Yes, I voluntarily put myself in FAFSA debt so I could hopefully one day be gainfully employed dealing with delicious science.  Mostly, I just wanted a lab coat and to use pipettes every day. 

Anyways, I've been working hard at getting my M.S. in forensic science.  I LOVE it but it has completely taken over my life.  And I've been doing a lot of thinking about the marine mammal community....what it was like to leave it, what it's like to be on the outside, and what overlap there'll be in my new chosen field with the old one.  There are a few things I want to talk about.

The pipe really drives it home

First, some of the reason why it took me so long to publish this blog is because - honestly- I was pretty angry.   Was it at animal rights activists?  Or did I turn anti-captivity?

Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.  ...but candy. 

No and no.  While there have been a few incidents that have really upset me that have had to do with animal rights extremists (Vancouver Aquarium, anyone?), the thing that really hurt me was the belief some of you had that I "went to the other side."  That sentiment started happening around the time I started at National Aquarium, and it seems like it kind of spiraled into a sad little story.

It doesn't have to be this way

So let's just make sure you all know, I am NOT anti-zoo.  You know what I am? I am pro-animal, like all of you.  I believe in the incredible work that many zoos and aquariums do.   Those are the places that put their animals first, and the ones who are willing to take feedback (no matter how critical) and use it to make themselves better.  That was something I thought I'd find at National Aquarium; they want to do something different for their animals.  And you know what? Their dolphins are AMAZING.  Their vet and training staff are some of the most dedicated I've ever seen, both towards the animals and towards the staff.  I thought it was a really cool idea to think about building a state of the art facility for the animals. 

Here's something really interesting I've come across since starting my new journey: the forensic science field -especially fingerprint and firearms comparison- has been pretty heavily scrutinized by not just the media, but institutions like the National Institute for Justice.  I mean, reading this stuff made me think, "Oh my god, the marine mammal community knows what this feels like."  It's the same song you guys know: a combination of smart people and people with strong opinions but with basically no real world experience make some pretty sweeping, damning statements about things they really don't seem to understand.

Because I has strongish feelings

But what's interested me the most in this parallel situation is not so much how the criticism (or its delivery...including documentaries, websites, official reports, etc.) is similar.  It's how drastically different the forensic science community handled (handles?) it as compared to the marine mammal community.

I love you guys, seriously.  But what we collectively are not doing very well is responding scientifically to our critics.  Yes, I know a handful of you have, which is awesome. But collectively, we still basically dig our heels in the sand and declare that we are the "experts"....without actually acting like experts in our response to our critics.

If you're super mad at that last paragraph, you're proving my point.  We have a really distracting emotional response to Blackfish, Ric O'Barry, or the disgruntled guest who thinks our dolphins should have bigger habitats.  We respond with buzz words, but not with empirical evidence.  Let's look at an example I encountered quite a bit at one of my former facilities.

When we were discussing building a larger habitat for the dolphins, who live in a 60 year old exhibit, these are actual replies we got from those who had the power to change the situation:

"There's no evidence supporting the notion that larger habitats are better for dolphins."

"Saying you want a bigger dolphin habitat is what an animal rights activist would say."

"Saying we need a better habitat means the one we have is not adequate, and it's plenty adequate.  It far exceeds the USDA requirements."

Look what we did to this poor pup

Sigh.  Okay.  Do you see the problem yet?  I know some of you do, because I've talked to you on the phone, via email, or in person about this issue.  And it seems to be pretty standard at most (not all!!) places.  And the problem seems to be a combination of the following:

1) Lots of newer generation trainers do not tend to agree with management in terms of ethics of habitats, treatment, and focus of their animal programs.

2) Saying there is no evidence supporting that larger habitats are better is....a circular argument.  There is no evidence because there is very little true research on this topic.  Guys, that doesn't count.  YES of course there are quantifiable facts we can share with the world; bottlenose dolphins tend to live well past their average life span in human care.  They reproduce very well.  That is a testament to great care, but it is not the same as saying we have "research" to prove our habitats are the best they can be.  

To be fair, we have cranked out a LOT of fantastic veterinary/physiological research.  We even have a good chunk of cognitive research out there, which is fantastic.  But we need more behavioral and "welfare" research.  We need to define how we scientifically define wellness, and then measure that within our various populations.  

Marry me.

You know what forensic science did when they got nailed on not having enough true research?  When a Obama's presidential committee said, "Uh, your science like, isn't valid and you don't have any research to prove it"?  They did research.   They said, "We really disagree with this statement, raaaahhh we are so mad!! WE ARE SO MAD WE ARE TOTALLY GONNA DO RESEARCH TO SHOW YOU!" and they did.  There was an EXPLOSION of research and publications.  And many of these institutions did not have a lot of funding.  They had to apply for grants, or do some magical things with their budgets.  They knew they had to make it happen not just for their critics, but for their field of discipline as well.

Let me tack on here that one common argument against conducting research in marine mammal facilities I've encountered a lot is that we don't have time in between shows and interactions.  I understand we have to make money to spend it on the animals. But that cannot be the end of the conversation. If we want to make our animal care the best it can be, and we call ourselves experts in a scientific field, we HAVE to make time for research. That means we have to get creative with our daily programming.  Other places have done this successfully, and there are a lot of really smart, creative people in this field.  If you are not interested in finding time to do research, then let people on your team who are motivated to do so find a way.  It is absolutely possible in most cases. 

Everything I've ever learned, I've learned from Will Ferrel movies

3) Wanting something NEW and "better" does not automatically mean you suck right now.  Change is a good thing.  Change is not giving in to animal rights activists.  It's being the zoological scientists we are and saying, "Hmm, this aspect of our care is going well.  But this one isn't.  Or it could be better."

Be like Rafiki. 

Lastly, I think it's important to be careful how we handle trainers and zookeepers who have these different ideas.   It's not as simple as "if you're not with us, you're against us."  SO many of you guys have told me that's how you feel it is.  Many of you have left jobs hoping to find a place that shares your morals when it comes to marine mammal care.  Many of you say you're sticking around where you work so you can work your way up the ladder to get into a position to change things.  Many of you bite your tongue because you don't want to be labeled as an animal rights activist.  I totally get that, because I've been in that position too.

For example, one of the biggest criticisms I heard about National Aquarium's decision?  That the dolphins would be put in sea-pens.  Sea pens.  Like, the kind they have at Dolphin Quest.  DRC.  The Navy.  Okay, are we sure that we don't like sea pens?

Cool!

Wait, maybe we don't like animals going from a manmade environment to natural sea water.  How we will acclimatize the animals?  Um, why don't we ask those questions when we transport dolphins from similar conditions? From natural and/or outdoor habitats to indoor, manmade ones and vice versa? Guys, we do this ALL the time.   I've literally dumped a dolphin who made a transcontinental transport into a pool with two other male dolphins with zero acclimation.  He was fine.  The others were fine.  

What I'm saying is, we can't just freak out because a facility decides to try something different.  Our arguments become really emotional, and really hypocritical.  UNLESS.  Unless we say, "Hey, you know what, maybe if we're uncomfortable with transport protocol, we should collectively study this.  And you know what? Let's pair up with that place we're not totally in agreement with to work together to gather some information, swap some ideas." 

But not on Saturdays.

But we keep getting hung up on "letting the activists win" or "we have to stick together" and shut down new ideas.  Guys.  Stop.  The marine mammal community has got bigger goals to achieve.  We've got to look at our facilities and say, "Let's do some research" and "What's working really well here...and what's really NOT."  We have got to stop criticizing other facilities for stupid things like....maintaining natural social groups, phasing out shows, whatever.  Those facilities are not dolphin huggers or weaklings who caved to Blackfish.  Those facilities are managing their animals a) the way most zoos manage their animals....in natural situations and b) those facilities are cranking out some amazing research.  Let's not make fun of them.  What are they doing that is working?  It may not be exactly what you want to do, and that is okay.  What's even more okay is sharing info with each other without passing harsh, sophomoric judgment. 

Come on! Let's have some fun! Let's dream!!! What is YOUR dream facility? What kinds of things would you do there?  Start really asking yourself those questions, no matter what level you are.  And if you're in a managerial level, be open to new ideas.  Those are what make us BETTER.  They are not dangerous.  And let's do some RESEARCH guys!!! Get those training brains to work: if you love research, design some ideas.  If you hate the idea of research but love training, you've got endless opportunities to train some amazing behaviors.    Oh my god, there are so many incredible things you can do.  I know a lot of you....so I can only imagine what you guys can do with a little support from your institution.

With a gif like Bill Murray, you know I'm serious. 

I've got some cool content coming up, and some interesting forensic-y stuff, too.  So this isn't the end of the Middle Flipper, it just needed a breather.  Thanks for sticking with me! I heart you guys, no matter if you agree with this blog :). Feel free to reach out to me if you need to talk, whether you're supportive of my opinion or you want to have a mature discussion exploring our different perspectives! 

Zookeeper Fashion: SOS

So the other day, one of our researchers introduced us to two new people joining their team.  Here are the conclusions I've drawn about them:

1. They are really smart
2. They are really nice
3.  THEY DRESS AMAZING

Fashion at home, fashion on the job

In fact, I mentioned this to them after we worked together for one of their projects.  I said, "Can I just say that you all dress fabulously?"  They smiled politely, like....I totally realize how creepy I was being.  But this feeling just welled within me and I had to acknowledge something that I've silently noticed for many years.

Unlike most of my Middle Flipper entries, this is not one that I feel encompasses all of us.  In fact, I think in this case, we fall into two separate categories.  There are people who just KNOW how to dress great (like....all of my coworkers), and people who (like me) look like a garbage can even on our best days.

TRUTH

But while at work, we are all the same.  No matter what makeup or hair product we use, we still smell bad and look like a hot mess at the end of the day.  How many times have you sat keeled over a wheel barrow, wondering how horrible your armpit sweat stains are?  How many times have you put on a wetsuit that's just a few weeks old, realizing that the decomposing-body smell is not only coming from your suit, but it has permanently infiltrated your skin?

And then, someone from HR walks by.  And oh my god.  They look fantastic.  They have a knack for bizcaz you just can't fathom.  What is it LIKE to dress nice for work?

All of the non-keeper staff at our zoo/aquarium

I remember when I was a little kid, I'd watch my parents' routine as they got ready for work.  They'd get up really early, take showers, and then dress in their nice work clothes.  They looked great.  And when they came home, they looked tired, but still pretty darn good.  All they had to do was slip into some PJs, have a beer, and enjoy the evening.

Here is an example of my routine:

Wake up really early, change a diaper (hint: not my own), brush my teeth, put on shoes.  Brushing my air/putting on deodorant can happen at work.  

Then I get to work, get my 809 pounds of hair out of my face in something that can only be described as Hair Tumor, put on my uniform, and proceed to get fish blood, fish muscle tissue, salt water, and lunch all over myself.  There are scales in my hair, there is dried blood under my fingernails.  And by the time I need to go home,  my Hair Tumor has metastasized to every location of my skull, where only the finest power tools can put it back in a manageable shape. 

Hair tumor exploding out of my hat

Even when I try to dress nice, like for a wedding or something, I still can't pull it off.  First, I have no idea what to buy.  Every time I go to a store, my zookeeper brain refuses to shut off. 

"Ooooo, can't have those shoes, they have no treads!"

"Dry clean only? HA HA HA"

I also blame my profession for lowering my expectations of how I dress myself.  You know, if it's not khaki pants with a cotton shirt tucked in, then it's probably "fashionable".  I've bought some really stupid looking outfits because at the time, I thought, "WOW THIS IS SO CHIC I AM GOING TO FINALLY LOOK LIKE ONE OF THOSE COOL GIRLS."  And then I realize whoops, these are actually pajamas.

I can dig it

Now some of you, the zookeepers who fall into the "I can look hot in an instant" category, WHAT IS YOUR SECRET?  Can you please share?  How do you do your hair?  What do you do with all the flyaways?  Do you just like, staple them to your head or something?  Mine are always at full mast, ready to defy laws of physics in spite of any chemical product made for such a problem.

What about knowing like, what looks nice?  Something that doesn't require dry-cleaning?  Right now, I can basically handle the jeans+graphic tee combination.  Everything usually gets buried under an enormous sweater.  My nice clothes are usually, "Oh GOD I have to have something nice for this event that starts in seven hours, WHAT DOES MARSHALL'S HAVE THAT IS CHEAP?"

Yes, as a matter of fact I did.

For the love of god, can you fashion-savvy zookeepers please help the rest of us out?  We want to feel clean and normal.  We want to be comfortable, but feel confident in our look.  We want clothes with less than 5 stains on them. 

SOS!

Check out that really sweet holiday outfit

Don't Rob A Zookeeper

Ugh.  I've had one hell of a week.

I don't want to go into too much detail, but basically, this incident that happened to me on Sunday involved the following components:

Hint: It did not involve Halloween donuts

a) a random dude
b) super early in the morning (like, before 6am) on a Sunday in the parking garage at work
c) a gun
d) I no longer have a phone

I was really freaked out by this whole thing and luckily, it only resulted in a stolen phone.  But as my extremely thoughtful and awesome coworkers pointed out, even in this incident there is some very Middle Flipper-worthy inspiration.

So let's talk about why animal caretakers are probably the worst people to rob or threaten.

1) We Have No Money

Dangit

Cash? What cash?  Ha ha ha, is this some kind of joke?

How about a credit card? Are you sure you want this?  Because actually, if you take it right now, I might have some leverage to get some of the charges on there taken off.  Even though they're mine.  

True story: one of my coworkers said her credit card number was stolen online somehow, but all of the charges this criminal attempted to put on there all got declined because.......um, we are poor.

2) We Are Eerily Calm In HOLY SH&% Situations

Are we meditating? Or is our thumb being hacked off by a macaw?

Lookit, that's our job.  Is a sea lion chewing on my arm?  Yes.  But I....must....not...reinforce.................with...........................bloodcurdling scream...........

If you're a criminal looking for an armed robbery and get a cheap thrill out of seeing people freak out, DEFINITELY do not go after a zookeeper.   Personally, I've had a penguin bite me directly in the face, resulting in blood pouring out of my mouth.  In front of guests.  And had to pretend like nothing happened.  Try having a gigantic animal not let you get out of the water.  Zookeepers have endless stories that put them in the I Have No More Adrenaline To Give category.

3) Our Phones Are Broken

Things happen

Let me tell you about my (former) cell phone.

The screen was cracked from not one, but two woeful falls in my work locker room.  Then, I put it in a case (because you know, crack the screen once, shame on you, crack it twice, time to get a case and ponder if it was such a good idea to NOT get insurance).  I decide to get the screen fixed because it looks like a honey badger got a hold of it.

And that friend is me.

Here's where it gets good. To replace the screen, Apple needs to turn off some settings on the phone. Somehow, and I DO NOT KNOW HOW SO DO NOT ASK, I had three apple IDs on that thing.  My real Apple ID, then another one that was mysteriously half of my ID username, and then one belonging to my husband Russ.  And for some reason, the half ID and Russ' were the gatekeepers to settings that needed to be accessed in order for my screen to be replaced.  Nothing I did allowed me to get the right passwords for these IDs.  I tried everything.  I went to the Apple store, where they told me I'd have to call customer service for help.  I called them, explained this bizarre situation, to which they basically said I was effed.

So for months now, I've been walking around with a shattered screen with randomly-appearing notices asking me to input passwords to one of three Apple IDs.  But I've made do.

It'll be different this time

So when it got stolen, I looked into the eyes of my assailant as he held a gun at my head and actually had a small, tiny, tiny piece of me that was like, "Oh...honey" as I handed over my phone. 

May the odds be ever in your favor to hack into my phone

Even if our phones are destroyed, if criminals knew what our phones:
 
a) had on them (photos piles of otter poop, anyone? How about a nice dolphin penis pic?)
 
b) had on them (actual animal poop, traces of whatever food they eat, and any other small amounts of sacred fluids from our daily routine)....I don't think our phones would ever get stolen.  

In fact, we could probably use them as repellent, but only if the thieves really understand WTF was on there.

4) We Might Have A Crazy Animal Ready For Self Defense

I SWEAR I WILL NEVER STEAL AGAIN JUST MAKE IT STOP

You, pointing a gun at my.  Me, reaching into my glove compartment and......

BAM!

PENGUIN! RIGHT AT YOUR FACE.

JUST LET ME LIVE

Your screams are stifled by the blood pouring from your eyes as the penguin does what it has evolved over millions of years to do: destroy human faces. 

Or maybe..............

PARROT.  RIGHT AT YOUR NECK.  Justifiable homocide.

Or.......................................

GIANT TARANTULA, Home-Alone style.

Works every time

See the thing is, you criminals have no idea what us zookeepers might have in our car.  Maybe we took someone home for extra special medical care.  Maybe we are going to an outreach event.  Maybe we like to travel with penguins in our car because the smell*.

___________

So obviously, number 4 may not be entirely honest.  But what do those thugs know?  And hey, maybe we zookeepers can come up with a self-defense method that's not as controversial as guns, easier than pepper spray, and is cheap cheap cheap:

Cups of poo.  We all work with animals with the most disgusting poo.  Just carry around a Big Gulp of your smelliest, most mucosal poop and get ready to slosh it right after you hand over your empty wallet.  Or, if you're like me and only work with dolphins (whose poop is hard to collect in large enough quantities for this), there is nothing like a nice capelin sludge that's a few days ripe. 

Sigh.  Stay safe out there friends. 
___________
* Okay, maybe not

Dream A Little Dream

It's time we shed light on something that those of us in the zoo field have kept secret from the public for too long.   This topic is sensitive, but it perfectly illustrates how much we care about our animals.  Most of us don't make a lot of money, all of us work long hours and are not really "off" even when we're at home.  Some of us may work in an environment where we encounter animal rights extremists routinely, or in a place where we are considered "replaceable assets" (and you all know how I feel about that). 

We put up with a lot of uncomfortable situations in order to put the welfare of the animals in our care FIRST.  And why are we hiding the most obvious example of this from the world?  What am I talking about?

It's official.  This is my favorite photo on the internet.

Anxiety dreams. 

No wait, anxiety WORK dreams.

OMG I have had some insane work dreams and....I know all of you do too.  You think you're able to turn off your zookeeper mindset as soon as you walk through the door into your home, but you know you'll answer work emails and think about the animals.  So the moment you crawl into bed, close your eyes, and drift into that delicious state we know as sleep, you may believe that for the next several hours IN A ROW, you're going to be free from work.  Your brain can finally rest.

Fact: I lived in Florida for 11 years and I had so many bathroom dreams.

But then, when you least expect it, BAM.  Your brain turns on you.  It gathers all of your animal-related memories, your hopes, your fears, and a few random items that make absolutely no sense and mixes them together to form a volatile dream that will drain you of energy and force you to endure a resting heart rate of 200bpm, so you are basically ready to die when you wake up.

YES. SO MUCH YES.

Let me give you a recent (personal) example.  Usually, National Aquarium offers dolphin encounters on Saturdays.  As some of you know, I've done dolphin encounters for basically my entire career, so there's really nothing I should feel anxiety about right?  WRONG.

For some reason on Friday night, my brain decided that it was Time To Freak Out.  I dreamed that I was at work (it looked nothing like our facility...sort of like a mashup of our place and Clearwater Marine Aquarium's indoor dolphin pools) and that one of the encounter guests showed up a day early to do the program.  I kept telling him we'd see him tomorrow, and he kept insisting he had to get in the water.

Then, boom.  During a training session, he just jumps in the water.  Immediately, my dream self tries to run through our SOP for water rescue with animals present, and I'm yelling and directing people and freaking out.  And then I jump in and scoop out this guest, and yell at him, and banish him from the aquarium.  But a guest services person was all like NO YOU CAN'T DO THAT IT'S BAD CUSTOMER SERVICE.  So I was all like FINE IF HE DOES IT ONE MORE TIME THEN HE'S GONE.

I MEAN IT!

Well, then he jumps in again.  And if that wasn't terrible enough, he turned into a dolphin.

Yes, that's right.  He became that which he sought to encounter.  And pair swam with another dolphin. 

But I wasn't having it.  No, this was a massive safety concern.  So I waited until guest-turned-dolphin swam by the side of the pool and snatched his hairless body right out of the pool.  I held on to him, yelling victoriously as he kicked and kicked.  And then I woke up, in a giant puddle of sweat.

I shared this story with my coworkers, which sparked an entire conversation about anxiety zoo dreams.  Here are some of the highlights from that conversation, as well as others I've experienced or heard from some of you:

1) Nani (our oldest dolphin) got stuck on top of a giant waterfall that was in her habitat, which happened to be located at Hersey Park.

brb, just going to the waterfall for a sec

2) A marine park going out of business and draining all of its pools with the dolphins still in it.

3) Getting fired and/or being extremely late for a bizarre reason (this is a popular one).  Some of  my favorite reasons I've had include: I was in the wrong state, I kept driving around trying to find lunch and Red Bull but all of the stores were out...and once I went to Marineland even though I didn't work there anymore and found out that I actually was supposed to be working there, and had been on the schedule for weeks but was no-call, no-show, so I had to call Gulfarium and tell them I had to quit because I was oops, accidentally employed by another place.

Well I mean, Marineland has some great holiday parties.

4) A dolphin kept changing from human form to person form.

5) Doing waterwork for an interview at a show in a pool that is in front of thousands of people in the middle of a city with traffic rushing by


What's makes these dreams worse is that usually, your surroundings are nightmarishly unfamiliar.  It's very rare to have a dream where your environment is a perfect copy of what it is in real life.  Somehow, you know where you are, but it's completely wrong.  In one of my dreams, Brookfield Zoo's marine mammal area looked like a gigantic metal tube with portholes looking into the exhibits, and you had to feed the animals (and put all of their toys in) via these portholes. 

Where the hell am I?

I've dreamed that Clearwater Marine Aquarium was basically in the same building a pool at this place I visit in northern Wisconsin was, except much larger than the swimming pool (obviously) and all of the sea turtles were kept in a bizarre maze in the basement.

I don't know why these dreams happen, but they definitely show how much we think about the lives we've dedicated our own to.  There is no clock-in, clock-out lifestyle in our field.  We embrace the fun stuff, we embrace the sad stuff, we embrace the hard stuff, and then we sleep and embrace the freakish neural firings that remind us of our commitment to the animals we love so much.

Now! I want YOU to share your work anxiety dreams.  I'll bet there are some really good ones.  Share away!